The Hat That Taught Me About Business Development

Introduction: The $200 Hat Rescue Mission

I made my brother deal with international shipping customs, convinced a friend with appendicitis to leave his place in Athens to pick something up for me, and had with multiple transportation folks jump through hoops for me. All to retrieve a hat I left on a United flight.

Most people I tell this story question what is so special about this hat. It’s hard to explain but let’s just say I have a small head and hats that work for me are hard to come by.

But here’s what this ridiculous saga taught me about business development: The network you need to grow your business isn’t the one you think you need.

Let me explain.

The Full Story: A Comedy of International Logistics

This summer, I was flying from San Francisco to Frankfurt on my way to Bottrop, Germany. As I was walking past baggage claim feeling smug that I few carry-on only, I realized that I had left my hat on the plane. I happened to walk past United lost baggage office so I went in to see if they could help.

What should have been a simple lost and found situation turned into something much more complex.

Here’s what it took to get that hat back:

Phase 1: The Initial Recovery The nice lady in the lost baggage office called to the airplane and confirmed that they had my had. She said if I waited a couple of hours, I could pick my hat up the same day. I told her I was flying back through Frankfurt about a week later…could I get my hat then. Sure! She took my flight and contact info and on about my day I went. On the way back, I was taking the train from Cologne to the airport and had one picked out that would get me there 2.5 hours before my flight…plenty of time to swing by the lost luggage office to get my hat. If you’ve taken the trains in Germany recently you may have experienced that the trains are rarely on time so sure enough this happens. My brother suggests I grab a different train that is also heading to the Frankfurt Airport but we fail to note the time of arrival and I only realize while on the train, admiring the beautiful view of the river, that I will barely get there with an hour to spare. No time to get the hat.

Phase 2: The First Handoff I get a phone call while at the gate asking whether I’m coming for my hat. I explain what happened and asked if my brother, who lives in Cologne and is going to be going to the airport in a week or so to drop off his family, could pick it up for me. They say sure. It’s all set. Darling brother fetches my hat and I figure I’ll just get it from him the next time we see each other.

Phase 3: International Shipping Round I have what I think is a genius moment when I’m putting the final touches on a vacation to Greece and think that since Greece is in the EU, it would be pretty simple for my brother to send the hat to me at the hotel I will be checking into in 10 days. Plenty of time, right?

Phase 4: The Plot Twist Wrong. The hat gets caught up in customs. In fact, DHL tries to deliver the package three days after I’d already checked out and say that no one was at the hotel to receive the package so they are putting it in one of their service centers in Athens. I will be coming back through Athens so all hope is not lost but my return through Athens will be very brief…I’m not sure getting to a service center is in the cards, so…

Phase 5: The Friend Favor …I reached out to a friend/business contact who was in Athens at the same time and knows the city well. “Hi. Could you possibly pick up a package from a DHL service center and drop it at the hotel I’m staying at on the way home.” He didn’t hesitate. He made the trip, retrieved the hat, and dropped it at my hotel. By the way, this was his first excursion out of the house after getting appendicitis!

Phase 6: The Final Stretch A few days later, I arrive back in the Athens and when I check in to the hotel, the front desk staff said they had a package for me and they gave me a cute box that contained my hat!

The Accounting:

• Total shipping costs: Probably more than the hat was worth
• Number of people enlisted: 4
• Countries involved: 2
• WhatsApp messages sent: 20, 30, 50?
• My husband’s eye rolls: Infinite

Was it worth it?

Here’s what I learned: that wasn’t really the question.

What a Hat Rescue Mission Teaches You About Business Development

While I was coordinating this international operation, something clicked. This whole process – the favors, the follow-ups, the relationships required to make it work – this is exactly what effective business development looks like.

Not the sanitized LinkedIn version. The real version.

And more importantly, this is what building business relationships without feeling salesy actually looks like in practice. It’s not about perfecting your pitch or overcoming objections. It’s about creating genuine connections with people who will actually show up for you.

Lesson #1: Real Business Development Requires Real Favors

When someone refers you a client, they’re not just forwarding an email. They’re putting their professional reputation on the line for you.

When a past client introduces you to someone in their network, they’re spending social capital they’ve carefully accumulated over years.

When a colleague takes time to advise you on how to approach a deal, they’re giving you something genuinely valuable.

These aren’t “five-minute favors.” They’re real investments of time, energy, and reputation.

And they only happen when you’ve built genuine relationships – not when you’ve collected business cards or connected on LinkedIn.

Think about your own network. How many people could you call right now who would:

• Make a meaningful introduction on your behalf
• Give you honest feedback on your positioning
• Refer you to a potential client
• Advise you through a tricky client situation
• Vouch for you with someone who doesn’t know you

If that number is small, your business development problem isn’t your pipeline or your pitch. It’s your network.

Lesson #2: You Need People Willing to Inconvenience Themselves

LinkedIn tells us that networking is about:

• Growing your follower count
• Posting consistently
• Engaging with content
• Building your personal brand

Those things can help. But they’re not what actually drives business.

What drives business is people willing to take real action on your behalf.

The airline employees who actually searched for my hat instead of sending a form letter. My brother who dealt with customs forms and shipping logistics. My friend who made a special trip across Athens on a weekday afternoon.

These people inconvenienced themselves for me. Not because they had to. Not because I’d built the perfect LinkedIn profile. Because we had genuine relationships built on trust and reciprocity.

Your business development network needs to work the same way.

The client who takes time to introduce you to their CEO because they trust you’ll deliver. The colleague who puts your name forward for an opportunity even though they could benefit from it themselves. The mentor who takes your call on a Sunday because they’re invested in your success.

You can’t transact your way into those relationships. You can’t optimize for them. You can’t growth-hack them.

You have to build them. One real interaction at a time.

Lesson #3: Make It Ridiculously Easy for People to Help You

Here’s what I did right in the hat situation (even if the overall premise was questionable):

I made every step as easy as possible:

• Shared contact info, flight info, exact hotel addresses, etc. so my helpers had all the information they would need
• Gave the hotel specific instructions to expect the package in advance
• Provided my friend with the exact address and a copy of my passport so he could get the hat with minimal effort
• Sent updates at every stage so people knew what was happening
• Expressed genuine, specific gratitude for each person’s help

This is exactly how you should approach asking for business development help.

When you ask for a referral, don’t make your client figure out who to introduce you to. Tell them specifically:

• What kind of organizations you work with
• What roles typically look for the help you offer
• What problems you solve
• Give them language they can use word-for-word

When you ask for an introduction, make it effortless:

• Draft the introduction email they can forward
• Explain why you’re interested in connecting with this specific person
• Be clear about what you’re hoping to discuss
• Make it a 5-minute favor, not a 30-minute research project

When you follow up after a referral, update everyone involved:

• Tell the person who made the introduction what happened
• Share the outcome (good or bad)
• Express specific gratitude for what they did
• Let them know you’d be happy to reciprocate

Remove every obstacle. Eliminate every point of friction. Make helping you the path of least resistance.

This is the core of building business relationships without feeling salesy – you’re not pushing, persuading, or manipulating. You’re making it genuinely easy for people who already like and trust you to help you succeed.

Lesson #4: Persistence Signals What You Value

My tenacity in tracking down this hat sent a message to everyone involved: this matters to me.

It wasn’t “just a hat.” It was something worth the effort, the coordination, the shipping costs, and the favors.

In business development, persistence works the same way.

When you follow up consistently on opportunities, you signal that you value the potential relationship.

When you re-engage dormant connections (check out my LI post about Adam Grant’s “Give and Take” for more on this), you signal that those relationships matter.

When you refuse to let a valuable lead go cold after one unreturned email, you signal your commitment.

Most salespeople give up after one or two attempts. Research shows it takes an average of 8 touches to get through to a prospect. But most people stop at 2.

The difference between average business development and exceptional business development is often just persistence.

Not annoying persistence. Not spammy persistence. Strategic, thoughtful persistence that says: “I believe there’s value here, and I’m willing to work for it.”

Lesson #5: Your Network Reveals Your Business Development Health

Here’s the diagnostic question that came out of the hat incident:

Who could you call right now who would actually inconvenience themselves to help you?

Not “who would take a quick coffee meeting.”

Not “who would like your LinkedIn post.”

Who would make a real effort? Who would spend real time? Who would stick their neck out?

Make a list. Actually write it down.

If you can name 10-15 people easily, you’re in good shape. Your business development network is probably healthy.

If you struggle to name 5, that’s your answer. That’s why your pipeline isn’t where you want it to be. That’s why referrals aren’t flowing consistently. That’s why you feel like you’re always hustling for the next client.

The good news: You can fix this. But it requires different work than most business development advice suggests.

How to Build a Network That Actually Shows Up

Based on what I’ve learned (both from the hat incident and from years of building my own substantial business network), here’s how to build a network that drives real business growth:

1. Prioritize Depth Over Breadth

Focus on deepening your network instead of making it as big as possible.

Instead of:

• Connecting with 50 new people on LinkedIn this month
• Attending every networking event
• Collecting handfuls of business cards

Do this:

• Have meaningful conversations with 5 people in your existing network
• Follow up with people you’ve lost touch with
• Actually help someone with something they’re working on

One person who will go to bat for you is worth 100 LinkedIn connections.

2. Give Before You Need

This is the Adam Grant principle in action. Build your favor bank before you need to make withdrawals.

Practical ways to do this:

• Make introductions that help others (even when there’s no benefit to you)
• Share insights or resources that are relevant to someone’s work
• Offer feedback when someone asks for it
• Celebrate others’ wins publicly
• Show up when people need support

The key: Do these things when you DON’T need anything. Build the pattern of helpfulness before you’re in need mode.

3. Make Your Value Proposition Crystal Clear

When someone asks “what do you do,” can you answer in a way that makes it obvious who you help and how?

If your network doesn’t know specifically what problems you solve, they can’t refer you effectively – even if they want to.

Test this: Ask three people in your network to describe what you do and who you help. If they struggle or give vague answers, you need to clarify your positioning.

4. Create Referral-Ready Moments

Don’t wait until you desperately need business to start asking for referrals.

Build it into your process:

• When a project wraps up successfully
• When you get positive feedback
• When you solve a particularly challenging problem
• 6 months after a project when they’re seeing results

Have a simple, natural way to ask: “We loved working with you and your team. How do we find more leaders like you?”

This question eliminates the “ick factor” because you’re not asking them to sell for you – you’re asking them to help you understand where to find similar organizations.

5. Follow Up Like You Mean It

Most business development fails not at the first touch, but at the follow-up.

Create a system:

• Set reminders to check in with past clients quarterly
• Keep notes on what matters to people (their projects, their challenges, their wins)
• Have a reason to reach out beyond “just checking in”
• Actually do the things you say you’re going to do

Tools that help: Your CRM (use it!), calendar reminders, a simple spreadsheet tracking when you last connected with key relationships.

6. Invest in Relationships Before You Need Them

The time to build your network is when your pipeline is full – not when it’s empty.

This means:

• Maintaining relationships with past clients even when you’re busy
• Staying in touch with dormant connections before you need them
• Building goodwill consistently, not transactionally

The best time to ask for help is when you don’t desperately need it. Because desperation smells bad, even over email.

Your Network Building Action Plan

If you’re reading this and realizing your network isn’t where it needs to be, here’s what to do this week:

Day 1-2: Assess

• List the 10-15 people who would actually inconvenience themselves to help you
• Identify 10 dormant connections you’ve lost touch with
• Note 5 people you’ve been meaning to help but haven’t

Day 3-4: Reach Out

• Send a genuine reconnection message to 3 dormant connections
• Help one of those 5 people you’ve been meaning to – make that introduction, review that resume, etc.
• Thank someone who’s helped you recently (be specific about the impact)

Day 5: Systematize

• Set up quarterly reminders to check in with key relationships
• Block weekly time for network maintenance
• Optional: Create templates for different types of check-ins (but personalize them!)

Ongoing:

• Make one meaningful introduction per week
• Reach out to one dormant connection per week
• Help someone with something small but valuable each week

This isn’t complicated. But it does require consistency.

Final Thoughts: It’s Not Really About the Hat

The hat made it home with me. I used a carabiner to attach to my backpack on the way home. It’s sitting on my shelf, having traveled approximately 12,000 miles and enlisted an international team of helpers.

Was it worth the shipping costs, the coordination effort, and the favors called in?

Maybe not, if we’re just talking about a hat.

But here’s what was worth it: The reminder that I have people in my life who will help me do something slightly ridiculous. Because they know the relationship goes both ways. Because we’ve built real trust. Because when they need help, they know I’ll show up too.

That’s the kind of network that changes everything in business development.

Not the size of your LinkedIn following.

Not how many business cards you collected last year.

Not your personal brand metrics.

Real people who will take real action when you need them.

If you’re struggling with business development, start there. Not with your pitch. Not with your positioning (although those matter). Not with your marketing strategy.

Start with your relationships.

Build a network that would help you recover a hat from Germany.

Then watch what it does for your business.